A Beltane Reflection: Transforming Grief into Growth
Have you ever noticed how grief doesn’t always show up loudly?
Sometimes it lingers quietly in the body — in subtle tension, in a sudden wave of emotion, or in the stories we return to when we’re alone with our thoughts. Sometimes, even when we’ve made peace with the past, we realize just how much it shaped our path. Not because we’re stuck there — but because it propelled us forward.
That’s what I felt as I sat with a Beltane tarot spread my dear friend sent me — she’s like my spiritual running buddy. We often share intuitive hits, insights, and readings with each other, and this one landed at just the right time. I wasn’t feeling particularly heavy or emotional, but the cards brought reflection, as they often do. They reminded me how far I’ve come, and how what once felt like loss has become the fertile ground I’ve grown from.
A Season of Fertile Transformation
Beltane marks the midpoint between spring equinox and summer solstice — a time of fertility, fire, and full-bodied life. The earth is in bloom, and with it comes an invitation: what within us is also ready to bloom?
Not every beginning feels bright. Sometimes, the most powerful new growth happens after something has ended.
For me, that ending was my marriage. It cracked something open in me — not just emotionally, but spiritually. Looking back now, I can see how aligned it was with what was happening in the stars. Pluto was conjunct my natal Mars — a deep, transformative transit that played out in the part of my chart that governs relationships and partnerships. It was intense and unrelenting, burning away anything that wasn’t built to last.
At the same time, Uranus was squaring my nodal axis, rattling the path I thought I was on and shaking loose everything familiar. Uranus can bring breakthroughs, yes — but they often arrive through disruption. It’s the kind of energy that doesn’t ask for permission to change your life — it just does. And for me, it felt like both chaos and clarity, like a thunderstorm clearing the air.
And as painful as it was, that ending created the space for Aruna — and for the version of me who could finally choose herself.
I turned to astrology to help me understand what was happening, and seeing those transits reflected in my chart made me feel held — like the universe was showing me this ending had a purpose, and I didn’t have to be afraid of the next, new chapter. It wasn’t a failure; it was a clearing. And what I’ve been building since — Aruna, my work, and this deeper version of myself — has grown from that clearing.
What the Cards Revealed
When my friend sent me a Beltane-themed tarot spread, I wasn’t searching for answers. I was simply open — open to whatever insight might come through in this season of renewal. What unfolded wasn’t dramatic or heavy, but it did ask me to pause and acknowledge how far I’ve come.
The first thing that came through was a sense of stillness. The reminder that healing didn’t come through pushing forward, but through moments of deep rest. I thought about those early days after my divorce — the exhaustion I carried in my body, the emotional fog I had to slowly emerge from. Choosing to rest, to retreat, to be still... that was part of reclaiming my power. It wasn’t weakness. It was medicine.
As I sat with the next message, I felt the sting of old wounds — not because they’re still open, but because they left a mark. The cards reflected a past defined by confusion, by misaligned dynamics, by choices made behind closed doors. I remembered how much time I spent trying to make sense of things that weren’t mine to carry. There was a clear message here: clarity doesn't always come from understanding the "why." Sometimes it comes from choosing to let go of needing to know.
Then came the memory of the hard nights — the ones that brought tears, anxiety, loneliness. And yet, I didn’t feel sadness looking back on them. I felt proud. I had met myself in those moments. I had learned how to sit with the ache instead of running from it. That grief shaped me. It was the bridge between who I was and who I was becoming.
And from there, something softened. I was shown how much sweetness still lives in the past — not to pull me backward, but to remind me that not everything was broken. There were real moments of joy. Real love. And I don’t have to erase those to move forward. I can carry what was good and leave the rest.
Finally, the message turned toward fulfillment — not the kind you get from checking boxes or achieving milestones, but the quiet, rooted kind that comes from choosing yourself. The kind that says: I’ve done the work. I know who I am. And I deserve to feel good in my life.
The spread didn’t bring up new wounds. It reminded me that the wounds I’ve already tended have bloomed into something beautiful. That this version of me — clearer, more grounded, more whole — is the result of a journey I’m deeply proud of.
Blooming from the Ashes
This Beltane didn’t bring a grand revelation or some dramatic turning point — just a quiet knowing. A deeper breath. A moment to look around and realize: I’ve grown through that. I’ve made something beautiful from what once felt broken.
That’s the power of this season. It reminds us that not everything that blooms started from perfect conditions. Some of the most vibrant growth comes from what we’ve composted (hello, Pluto!) — the heartbreak, the surrender, the release.
For me, that bloom is visible in the life I’ve created, in the work I now do, in the way I hold space for others walking their own paths of healing and rebirth. And while I may not be in the fire anymore, I remember it. I respect it. Because it taught me how to rise from the ashes like the Phoenix.
Reflection Questions
If you’re feeling a shift this season, or sensing something within you beginning to stir, here are a few questions to sit with:
What part of my past shaped me — and is now ready to be released?
Where have I grown roots through rest, not action?
What old stories am I ready to stop unraveling and start rewriting?
What sweetness from the past can I carry forward without being pulled backward?
What kind of fulfillment feels true for me in this season of life?
Ready to Bloom Again?
If this reflection spoke to something stirring in you, you’re not alone — and you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Book a session — for a personalized astrology reading to help you step more fully into your next chapter
Download the Moon Manifesting Planner — and align with the rhythm of the moon as you set intentions and create space for what’s ready to bloom
This Beltane, may you remember that growth often begins in the dark, and that your bloom — in all its truth and timing — is more than enough.
All the cosmic love,
michelle